A new year.

My resolution?
Quit being so dang lazy.
My hope is that by doing that, I can accomplish the usual resolutions.

Like, canceling Netflix, and picking up my scriptures. Like, quit going out to eat, and make food at home (i can actually cook decent food when i try!) Like, stop taking naps (and going to sleep at a decent hour) and play with kids. Like, stop putting movies in, and read books to the kids. Following?

Like, living a life with purpose and living in it, and not in the lives of so much terrible tv.

With so much change coming our way, I think it's time to make things count.

In other news, first time in forever, no boyfriend to celebrate with. Just a bottle of bubbly. Maybe we will Skype, if I can stay up. Which is unlikely.


man of the house

 the destroyer. yahoo #2. bubba-monster. thing 2. little tornado. stinker-winker. bubba-love. mr. bubba. mr happy. grumpy-pants. bottom-less pit.
always up in your face

 he can be so sweet. so caring. so loving. he can be so sensitive to those around him, and comfort anyone who is feeling sad.
and always food, bumps and scrapes all over his face

but then sometimes, he is the little tornado, ripping through the house. 
and sometimes he is a little rough with his sisters. 
the snow was not appealing i suppose

 he has really developed his boy-ness lately. he is known for making ANYTHING into a gun, and will get rough with anyone who lets him. also, he is strong willed. if you step in the path of hurricane bubba, you are in for a rough ride. and he is a daddy's boy/momma's boy. his order of who does what for him is dependent on who is around. daddy first, (if he is around) then mommy, then grandpa, then grammy. not that he doesnt like any of us, but diaper changing, dressing, seat belt buckling, shoe tying, etc, all need to be done by the correct person. or else. just trust me.
um..... rough day?

part of it is being 2 years old. a lot of it, well, it is because of his dear father, from whom he inherited every single insane boy gene. so don't mess. although, the clothes-less-ness might come from both his parents. 
sleeping with his golf club

 but sometimes he is sweet. he loves his bear. and he is the best snuggler when he is tired. and his cheeks, oh those sweet, chubby cheeks. and his giggle, and his laugh. oh turn my heart into a puddle.
carrying that golf club with him on christmas morning. 

the boy does not stop moving until he is off in dream land, likely dreaming up schemes, acting out battle scenes, riding horsies, etc. i so wish i could peek inside his dreams at night. the only time i get a hint at what that is like is when he falls asleep on the couch and i pick him up to move him to his bed, and he yells something out. and tonight, oh sweet boy, kept his eyes shut but kept wailing for mommy, and snuggled up in my arms. 

love that boy.


the waiting game

This stinks. 
I mean, Christmas was amazing. Could not ask for anything better.

But just like that, it's over, husband is gone, and now all I can do is wait.
I could move next week.
Or 3 months from now. 

I have no holidays, birthdays, events, or anything to put in front of me to work towards. 
It is now my very least favorite time of year, when I am over the snow and look outside and long for the sunshine and hot, hot summer days. 

It's a new normal, and something to adjust to. And I knew that. And I know. And everything will be great. It's better now than 10 days ago. We can talk and text everyday. Amazing. And this next step is going to be great. But it's the waiting to get to that point that is killing me.  

So now I need to find my happy things to do. And hope the wait isn't too long.


polar express

we went for a special ride up in the Heber Valley last Saturday
the Polar Express!
it went up to the "North Pole" and to say the kids loved it is an understatement!

the elves LOVED claire and all her crazy antics
she was dancing in the aisles the whole time
they were super happy to meet santa and Mrs. Clause, and loved getting their little bells
there are some things i would definitely improve, (we were kinda cramped, and the entertainer was a little, um, questionable?) but overall, a grand time for the kids with their grandparents. 
thanks grammy and grandpa!



Joe comes home in one week (!!!!!)

And shoot. I haven't been taking pictures of my kids. I'm too scared to take out the pretty new camera. Now I'm feeling bad because I feel like he missed out on all the fun. 

So! I will take pictures today. Hopefully. But definitely tomorrow. You'll see why.

Today will be a good day. Caleb didn't come climbing into my bed at 3:00 this morning, like he has been for the last 3 months. I think it's because we are mostly giving up on his naps. Which is not fun from 5:30-7:30 pm, but he is sleeping more at night and going down easier. 

Also, potty training round 46574839 begins today. Again. 

I love these kids. I love these kids. I looooooove these kids. And I will love caleb if he finally gets potty training down. Kidding! 

Seven sleeps. You guys, I'm freaking out.


wishing and hoping

These girls, oh be still my heart.

I hope they always know how much they are loved. How much they mean to me. How precious their little spirits are. 

I hope they always love each other. That their faces always light up when they see each other. That they will find comfort in being sisters, and that special bond.

I hope the men they marry will see what I see. That they will respect them, honor them, and spoil them in a way only a husband can. 

I have so many hopes for them. I know they will always be okay no matter what, but you know, always hoping for those special things you think every child deserves. Love these little chickies. 


Just because

Who doesn't love a photo of a smiling dog?
We'll just let that brighten up your day.
Also,  joe comes home in 17 sleeps. 
So that is something to be giddy about. 


isn't it about, time?

its about time for some real pictures, from a real camera, dontcha think?

i braved the black Friday crazies and bought a new camera. nothing fancy, its pretty much just a point-and-shoot, but its 1000x better than before. so yay! new pictures.

i know this one is waaaay grainy.... but how cute is my baby??? i love her.

we went and played outside today- end of November and still lots of sunshine? i'll take it!

this kid is awesome. also, crazy. but i love him.

we miss our daddy.
we are already halfway through, yay!
and we found out, Joe will be learning CHINESE, 
which means after about a year and a half in CA,
we will head to 


hopefully :)
things could always change, but that is the plan for right now.
of course, seriously sad that family will be so far away,
but i mean, its hawaii. 
which also means, come and visit- you have a place to stay! 
start saving those pennies :)


Grateful, torn, happy, and missing

This one makes my world go 'round.
So do the others, but in her own special way, the Evie girl makes life a sparkling, happy place.

I have a little secret. I am ready to share it, now that I have an idea. Are you ready?

I have always wanted to write a book.
Any book. Children's, a novel, essays, just something! And just one. One little book, for this gigantic world to catch a glimpse into this funny life of mine.
And I was finally hit with an idea. We'll see if it works out.

I have already gained five pounds and thanksgiving isn't until tomorrow. Yikes.....

I miss my husband.

I talked to him twice this week! And hopefully again on Saturday. But now we have a happy, and gut-wrenching decision to make. One that will affect our lives and children's lives in a very dramatic way.

Tell me, how does one choose between paradise, and living somewhat closer to family? Tell me. Because traveling this world is a dream, but so is having my children know their grandparents. 

How does one choose? 
Every conversation, any time spent pondering, all the research has landed me back where I started, and perhaps we will have to flip a coin.
I am so nervous.

My family will all gather together tomorrow, and for this I am so grateful. This is unfortunately rarer than I would like, and within a few months will become extremely rare. So today I am so happy this is happening.

And we have already feasted plenty.


Little genius

This picture almost brought me to tears
Claire wrote out her name by herself, no help from me.

I often feel frustrated and stuck with Claire, because I want to teach her, but sometimes we butt heads. She is so stubborn! And then she sometimes gets bored..... So I sometimes think she isn't learning anything. 

So, this little reminder made me feel tons better that things are sticking with her, and to just keep on doing what we are doing. She'll get there. 

Although, that stubbornness will probably never go away.
Just speaking from experience here :)


Learning and bonding

The pirate, digging for treasure?

I used to think I did pretty well with the male species.
In high school, I sometimes would find myself hanging out with the guys because I thought what they were doing was way more fun. And less drama. 
And I got a boy to marry me, and stick with me despite my craziness.

But when I found out I was having a boy, I freaked out inside because I don't know how to raise a boy! (And because I ate 2 hamburgers everyday while preggers with him-sick!)  I mean, I wanted a boy first so I could have joe pass along his seed and get it over with, and then girls! But then when I had him, I remember telling joe, I don't know what to do with a boy? And he said- just make sure to point it down.

Being all sick and single-motherly, my awesome mom has stayed at my house more times than not lately, (thank you!) and taken a kid or two away for a night (or two) (thank you!) so I can get some extra sleep. Today my mom snatched up Claire and so it was me and the bubs all day and this evening. And he reminded me how fun doing boy things is.
We laughed and laughed, like all afternoon. And I smiled the biggest, most genuine smile in more than three weeks. The things we did were making me happy and him happy in the purest, simplest, most joyful ways. And his little mannerisms just melted me. His big blue eyes just exactly like his dad, and that look I can't say no to, it was all just tugging at my heart. He wanted to sit with me, but is so wiggly, snuggling happens and then play, snuggle then play, snuggle then play. 

And- I finally figured out the trick to get him to fall asleep without a fight! This is HUGE people. 
Read our "books with daddy" then pull up the scriptures app, hit play and start rubbing his back while we listen to the Book of Mormon. And he is out before the chapter is over, like a sleeping spell. 
(Watching too many fairy tale movies and shows....) 

He is just more proof Heavenly Father knows what we need, when we need it, you know? Each and every single thing in my life shows me that, but this is like a huge blinking sign pointing out that someone out there is really watching over us all. So incredibly blessed.

So, now I know. Don't worry about what to do. He will let me know what he needs (i just need to listen,and act.) Find comfort in the scriptures-there is some good stuff in there. And, laughing about silly bears (and everything silly) will heal the soul.


Evalyn Jayne

This girl. She is incredible.
She is my light right now. 
She gives me hope. I love, love, love all my kids, and equally, but miss Evie Jayne right at this moment is peace. She is joy, love, and calm. She is innocent, pure, and beautiful.
She is so giving, even for a baby. She draws you in with her smile, wraps you up in her giggle, and you literally have to peel yourself away.
Her name means life, and she truly is full of it. (Jayne or Jane means God is gracious, also so fitting!)

And, she is a champion sleeper. Couldn't ask for anything more.  



2 weeks down, 6 to go.
This boy needs more male influence in his life while daddy is away! 

It's been so busy, and exhausting, I haven't been blogging. 
But it's been good busy. And for that I am grateful.
Here's my November gratitude list, because I'm sure I won't get around to it later, but I have more i am blessed with than can ever be said.

The gospel- knowledge of my savior, his atonement, and the blessing of being able to be sealed to my family because of it.
My family- my husband and all of his awesomeness, my children and the joy and hope they give me, my parents, siblings, and in-laws and all the love and support they freely offer.
My health- I haveit so good. I need to remember to treat my body better than I have been, but Amos glad I have no significant health problems to speak of. (Sometimes spotty vision, less-than-perfect hearing, and hips that swing funny when I walk aside :)
My home- we have a warm, comfortable home that has been so good for us. we live in a beautiful part of the country, surrounded by good people, and have been safe from any Mother Nature related disasters. We have clean, running water, heat and air conditioning, and electricity for every plug-in we could need.
Good, fresh food available down the street. A car to go get food, and means to prepare the food for my family. 
Every conceivable means of communication available at my fingertips. 
Transportation to any place I could desire, in comfort, and at any speed.
Books. And more books. The written word is such a powerful tool that I often take for granted.
A sense of humor.
Music, to soothe, uplift, encourage, entertain, rejuvenate, and enrich. 
Clothing for every condition. Blankets for extra warmth at night. A soft pillow to lay my head on.
Playgrounds for children to play on, grass to roll around in, and toys to play with.
Photos to remind us of the past, and capture the beauty that surrounds.

And once again, for my husband. He is sacrificing so much for my family and this country, and I miss him so stinking much. Extra squeezes for your loved ones, ok?


Celebrity "crush"

Obviously I don't have a crush on them, but meeting Sara and Kate of the 
Our best bites blog and cookbooks
Was pretty stinking awesome.
I attended the Saturday sessions of time out for women and they were speakers there.
As we were walking to the elevator in our hotel that morning Sara just happened to walk up at the same time. Knowing it was her, I got really excited. we talked with her for a minute while we rode down, and then sara was meeting up with Kate in the lobby, so I sheepishly asked if we could take a picture.
I felt like a total goober, and I really was, but as I told my sister, if I hadnt taken a picture with them, I would have totally regretted it.

Oh, and they were awesome, along with the rest of the speakers. Just what I needed to hear :)

I am so weird. But I'm not sorry. Instead of aspiring to be like some crazy, ridiculous Hollywood star I will never look like, act like, or dress like, I would way rather be like those awesome ladies, who are wonderful, REAL mothers who don't hide the fact that life really isn't perfect. 


happy girl

I took the kidlets to our favorite doctor today.
(I seriously don't know how I will have another kid without him being my doctor. Ugh.)
They did great, until the shots. 
Ohhhhh man. Claire acted like I had betrayed her in the worst possible way. It was a screaming, crying group of banshees i dragged out the door. Big sis requested a grilled cheese sandwich. With YELLOW cheese. That girl.
Ev on the other hand, she was a champ (except for the 30 seconds she was purple in the face from the shot, then back to normal). Comment after comment about how happy she was from every person who looked at her. She is really good at getting attention and entertaining everyone.
Love hanging out with her. She hands out smiles and giggles comstantly, and it's practically impossible to put her down once she wraps you around her finger.
And, you know I think she is adorable, and I'm told she looks like me, so it makes me think I must have been pretty cute too. Ha! 


my loves

we finally got around to taking some family photos on Sunday. 
i was antsy and stressed before we got there.
i bought a pair of jeans just for the photos for claire, but she hated them and i couldnt find them that morning. i was upset. realllllly upset.
but then it didnt matter. joe was leaving. and we couldnt stand a moment of unhappiness, so we forgot about it, and laughed about the leaves that kep sticking to her leggings on her bum.

and now, joe is gone for 2 months. i was doing fine until monday night, cried a river. tuesday, that was a waterfall. the puffy eyes wouldnt go away.

but today we are getting past it. its only two months. two months filled with lots of good things, and happy times ahead. yesterday, if i thought about it longer than about a minute i would start gushing tears and felt like i couldnt breathe. but its better today. today i laughed a bunch with the kids, and thought about what a blessing it is that joe gets to do this. it is only 2 months, and things wil be fine. we recorded messages on the ipad from joe to the kids, and we recorded him reading some books.

more pics to come!


This boy

He is giving me a run for my money right now
He can be so cute, snuggly and happy one second
And screaming and hitting his sister (claire, not evie) the next.
He is loud. Like so LOUD. He constantly has noise coming from his mouth. Like joe and I were driving with just him in the car the other day and it was 45 minutes of non-stop mooing. 
But I love him.
It took almost ten minutes of explaining to my parents how to put him down for bed. It is a battle with that kid to get him to go to sleep. And then he is up and ready to go at 5:30 AM.
He always prefer joe do everything, before me.
Everything is all about daddy.
He has to have his back rubbed, hand under his shirt, til he falls asleep.
He is soooooo his father's child.
Which will help while his father is gone. Having little bubba is like having part of joe with me while he will be gone for 2 months.
Love my boys.


I snatched me a good one

Yesterday I went shopping for myself, all selfishly thinking I NEED boots, a new shirt, whatever I want! And I'm not shopping for HIM today, I want to shop for me! 

I came home and whined and complained at my husband about not finding just exactly what I wanted, after he stayed and watched all the kids plus my extra kid I babysit, several hours later.
He listened, patiently, and didn't say a word.

Then he went to run an errand he needed to do, taking a kid with him, and then followed my orders to get all this extra stuff at an entirely different store.

And he came home with something for me.

And then I had the gall to tell him I didn't like them.

So he immediately returned them and got ones I like instead.

And I love them!

But I love him, way, way more.
I mean, really, who goes all out of their way to be extra nice to someone even after they are all bratty and whiny and acting all selfish. Who does that!?!?

I married a good one, that's for sure. I don't deserve him, seriously.


Let her be lazy

She kinda hates being made to sit up or lay on her stomach. And refuses to lock her legs.
Screams bloody murder if you do.
Looks like she will stay my baby a little longer.


Accepting autumn

This is the street around the corner.
Kinda dreamy, yeah?

Fall landed here today with a force.
It is dumping buckets of rain.

So we celebrated with doughnuts this morning.
As we all know, I loooove doughnuts!

It doesn't really fit in with my weight goals, but i decided I really just needed a huge apple fritter.

I tired all the kids out with errands, and now they are, even Claire, all asleep.
Completely awesome! Right???

I am surrendering to autumn. And now, a hot mug of hot chocolate.


On politics

This little girl, and my other 2 kids, and my husband, they mean the most to me. And so, I'm going to say this: the people who have FAMILY in mind while making decisions for our country will get my vote. People who want to protect and defend my family, who want to give, and give even more than they are required, and who have a record of REAL success, they will get my vote. 

I didn't vote four years ago- I had kinda just had a baby, wasn't excited about the candidates, etc., but right now I can't get enough of hearing about the plans laid out that I believe will actually help out this country.

And maybe I'm just feeling a little extra patriotic because of Jose's new job and all, but I have really gotten into the political process this time around, and I am really excited to vote in a few weeks. 

Bytheway, Evie cut a tooth! Way to go little girl!


Doggie lovin'

Watching my mom's dogs has been something else.
Woozy and wizzy are a crack up.
Liz acts like a cat just about all the time. She is nuts. She loves coming up and snuggling, and started coming and laying on a shoulder if she can maneuver just so.
Lucy is also cat-like- in that she is afraid of everything. She is most afraid of balls, and also my kids.  Between them and the big bouncy balls the kids love to play on, well, I'm surprised she comes out at all.

Again, dogs are like children.

I realized the other day I was feeling a bit overwhelmed for a moment. I only have three kids,  shouldn't I be used to it? It was weird, I kept trying to figure out why there was so much noise and commotion. Oh, duh. My three kids, plus two dogs, plus an extra couple kids I was babysitting- that would be 7 other bodies I was trying to keep track of. No worries, the second I realized that i stopped feeling overwhelmed and I put doggies to bed, my baby to bed, and within 30 minutes the extra babies were picked up. Whew. 

Don't get me wrong, I love the dogs, and I love dogs in general, but we won't be getting dogs anytime soon. Maybe after kids start going to school?


On feeling friendless

I try my darnedest to never, ever intentionally hurt someone's feelings.
For a few reasons, but mostly because of something that happened in elementary school. in second grade i remember my friends and I being mean to a girl we didn't want to play with us so she would go away. And I remember seeing how hurt she was. I decided that didn't feel good, and didn't want that to ever, ever happen again. Following that incident those same "friends" started to not be as friendly, and I started to get left out of things. I'm not sure why? We were friends! But they were the cool kids. And had been friends their whole lives, and I was kinda an outsider. 

It's kinda pathetic, but I feel the same thing has happened over and over in my life. In just about every place I've lived, I have tried to make friends with people, think that we are good enough friends, and then eventually I get left in the dust.
I try really, really hard to make friends. I am a really, really shy person, but do my best to hide that, and just be a friend, to everyone. I hate talking to people I don't know, even talking on the phone is a nightmare for me. So making friends does not come easily. 

My mom used to call me a social butterfly- once I am confident in a circle of friends perhaps? Ive never really felt that way. Getting to know people does not come easily. Because over, and over I have gotten left out. Over and over I have felt the sting of being burned. And it stinks. I hate it.

I think this must be how Christ felt? Being left utterly and completely alone, and even denied by his closest friends. How incredibly awful.

I finally was feeling lately that this would never happen again. I thought I was doing alright on the friend area. But, again, it's happened. And I feel completely hopeless. My mom has so many lifelong friends, and always will. I see her put effort into her friends, and they reciprocate. I thought it was finally happening for me, but it is definitely not.

So, is it me? Or is it the people I try to befriend? 

Either way, I'm evaluating everything about myself, top to bottom and making improvements. If not just for me, for my family and everyone I associate with. And I'm teaching my kids what being a friend really, actually means. And I hope it sticks.

I'm not looking for sympathy. I know I am blessed and have people who love me no matter what. Part of moving around so much is that i know that losing friends is part of reality. And you learn to rely on the Savior and your family first and formost. getting forgotten happens. And I accepted that a long time ago. Instead, I ask anyone who is reading this to please, please be kind. And include everyone. Even people you think may not need it, or want it. They want to be included. Find someone who needs including! Help them! How many times did we hear that during general conference?  

Now beyond that, this thought has been getting me through.
"Everything unfair about this life will be made right through Jesus Christ."
Or something like that.
I've heard it multiple times in the last month or so, it seems to keep popping up, and I love it. 

Pretty sure I'm so far from being a good friend, but I'm trying! Try with me?


Everything she does

Everything she does puts a smile on my face.
Except when she poos three times in a row.
But even then, she loves getting her diaper changed, and her giggle and kicking legs is hilarious.
At six months, she hates laying on her tummy, grabs at everything, doesn't have teeth, would rather not sit on her own, and only likes a tiny bit of food at a time.
Everything a spoiled rotten princess should be.

I have a million things to say right now.

Loving General Conference, as always. 
Hearing what I need to hear, the amazing announcement that has spurred a movement by so many people, setting goals to better myself, my marriage, my family.

Utah is putting on a spectacular show right now- the fall leaves make the mountains look like they are lit with fire. Joe and I snuck off on a date into hobble creek canyon today (don't tell, we skipped a little bit of conference, but listened to it) and practiced our gun shooting skillz. It was a fantastically gorgeous day, prefect leaves, and fun shooting.

I'm starting to think I might miss Utah a bit. And I'm sad for all the things we will miss- seeing the Provo city center temple completed, using the Trax from Provo to salt lake, all the downtown construction and building done, expansion of the MTC, so many things! Just plenty of things to come back for, right?


Treasure hunting

I've been scheming for claires's birthday party for several months now. 
We don't do a lot of parties, and the general rule is a "friends" party for the kids' birthdays every other year. Since Claire is leaving so many friends behind I wanted to do something extra fun, and we're having a special get together! Completely girly, and super sweet. 

And thinking about it gets the thoughts about joe leaving for two months off my mind.

So I convinced Lindsay to go treasure hunting with me yesterday. 
And treasure we did find!

But these little goodies will have to wait to be shared.
Just know, DI produced some awesome finds.

And, I'm doing all of it without the aid of Pinterest. Gasp! Maybe a little inspiration from a couple blogs, but no Pinterest. Woot.
(I keep getting flack about not having one. It is a time sucking machine, and I already of enough other things that suck my time.)

Bytheway, my husband, yes my husband, has a Pinterest account. So he can pin the guns he wants. Hilarious.


Ode to Lola

You were a good little car.
You served so many, so well.
 You got beat up, scarred, and seemed to be falling apart.
But you were strong. Solid under the hood.
You were the scene for so many of my high school memories. And kept those stories to yourself.
You survived a teenage boy driver. 
You brought home 2 of my babies. 
And you will continue to serve someone else. 

We sold little Lola the Corolla last week. She got snatched up really fast, so fast I almost didn't want to let her go. She seemed to be nothing special, but she got me through high school, and then the last four years of our marriage. with joe leaving, and then going to school and training we just don't need another car, and so we parted ways with her. All the kids in my family drove her for a little bit at some point. I talk about her like a person, and no I'm not THAT attatched, but I was a little sentimental thinking about all the things that happened in that car. All the boys I drove around, friends who carpooled with me, all the nights I drove solo for 45 minutes each way to see friends. The times I locked my keys in the trunk, more than once. So many good times.

She better be treated well!


hello october

Hmmmm October. I've been dreading it. Joe leaves in October. (Three weeks from wednesday) So, not really looking forward to it. For the kids, I'll put on a happy face and pretend I'm not completely freaking out.

I went to church by myself yesterday with the kids. We even walked, well not really. I walked, and the three kiddos hitched rides on my one child stroller. It was quite the sight, but I really could have fit one more on there :) we got there 15 minutes early, not sure how??? And we didn't have to dismiss ourselves first hour. Bonus.

We had a 'special' dinner last night to welcome fall. Nothing fancy, but we lit candles and put 'punkins' on the table. They sorta loved it. 

My parents are off on the sight-seeing adventure of a lifetime, sorta really jealous. But they totally deserve it. So, doggie-duty for us! I call them 'wizzzzie and wooozy' and they hate it, but tolerate it because I feed them. Ha!

Evalyn turns six months this week. With no desire to roll over, sit up, or pop some teeth out. Which is kinda awesome. Like, she acknowledges I really want a baby of mine to stay a baby longer than six months. Thank you Evie Jayne. 

Blogger haaaates me. No pics right now.... Maybe later?


sweet baby evie

i cannot get enough of sweet baby evie lately. she is always up for a snuggle, has no desire whatsoever to sit on her own, and is always smiling and laughing. (unless hungry or tired. and cover your ears if she is both. remember, brewer genes!)

still working on the slow, slow process of scanning, saving, uploading my baby photos. but i have been thinking so much about my love and obsession over miss evalyn jayne while doing this,

i feel like, this baby, she is MINE. my mini-me. she is number three, like i was. she has the dark(er) hair that i did. and she brings peace, which is all i ever want.

the above picture is me, with evie's namesake: my dad's sweet mother Evalyn Bowerman (she passed away 13 years ago when i was just 11). i keep doing a double take looking at it because evie looks so much like i did. this is normal to so many people, but i never, ever thought that i would have a child look like me after having caleb and claire. it sounds so silly, and it is, and i realize that i just shouldnt care, but i have dreamed and dreamed of having MY child. some people say claire looks like me; i can hardly see past the while blonde hair so i dont know.

oh anyways. loving little evie. i am feeling like a failure with her right now; i nursed her for the last time last night. for some reason my milk supply decided to just go away, and it is killing me. long story short, i feel it is best for her, for my sanity, and the sakes of my other children that she get formula. i have enough stored that she will get some pumped milk every day until she is 6 months old (next week!) which makes me feel a little better. i promised myself that in order to be "fair" i would nurse all my babies until at least six months. any longer is lucky for them......

anywho. the last few times she has really struggled with it, but last night i decided it would be the last time, and she was so content the whole time, and drifted off to sleep seeming so happy. (okay i am bawling now, why am i so emotional about this???? ) she seemed to be telling me that it was okay. so here we are, im done nursing. and now, hopefully i can shed a few pounds. ha!

love that girl.


1 AM

its after 1 am.

ive been changing up the look of the blog for 2.5 hours. and i still dont like it.

i dont ever stay up this late. ever. but joe is not home, he is off having adventures with bubba-boy back east/down south/whatever-northcarolia-is and his family. i miss them so. although, my house has stayed significantly cleaner, and stays that way. AND less laundry has to be done. AND less food eaten. AND its been real quiet. maybe........ JUST KIDDING those boys better be back in my arms no later than next tuesday.

its been too quiet, actually. i woke up at 330 last night and couldnt stop my mind from turning. i have had a little too much quiet, and once the mind gets going, its incredibly hard to stop, no matter how exhausted. i have really gotten to think some things through lately, make some goals, and accomplish a few things (like making a dent in the laundry. and moving furniture, because i cant. stop. moving. furniture. this is my of expressing my need to move somewhere. its been happening more and more frequently, and i cant stop.) but right now i cant stop clicking, dragging, moving, adjusting, blah blah blah.

this is the reason why i either read or watch a movie until i fall asleep every night. they require little thinking.

sooooooo. i will turn on some pointless something or other on netflix, and call it a night. and maybe the blog will look better in the morning?

yeah right. i seriously lack blog design skillz.


A reunion of sorts

See all those kiddos?
My 3 on the left, the other three belong to my 'cousin' Brooke.
Brooke and I have birthdays months apart, got married weeks apart, and each of our kids are just months apart.
We think it's been about 10 years (at least, maybe more!) since seeing each other, and like my parents, we are leaving just as they are going to be moving here. Boo! Her kids are adorable, and their crazy boy stuff is hilarious. 
Her brother getting married brought them out for a visit, and it was too short. Love her, love them!



My dad, he's totally awesome.
He has always had a soft spot for the grand kids.
But, he worked really hard at his job, and hasn't always had lots of time to spend with them.
Until now. 
Grandpa is retired! And lives not too far from us!

And, let me tell you, watching him get really into being grandpa awesome.

Taking Evie, playing with her, taking the kiddos for rides in the jeep, and buying books to read with them is the best! 
And it breaks my heart to think we have to leave him (and the rest of my family) in a few months. 
Love my dad.



Just a bubba update.
He is allllll boy. Except when Claire gets her nails painted- he loves getting in on that action.
He is finally talking lots and lots. Tons of new words everyday. My fave right now is when he tries to say chocolate. So funny.

He has recently reverted to baby mode- wants a binky, to be carried, wants to be held and rocked, wants me to feed him a bottle. I am totally aware that this is normal. My mom loves to remind me that I was potty trained completely before my brother was born, and then went backwards when he arrived. I was expecting him to, just five months ago! His binky thing is driving me crazy, he had no problems 9 months ago giving it up. Trying some things this week, hopefully it's not a problem much longer!

He always has bruises everywhere. He is so rough and tumble, but always just gets up and keeps going. Sometimes needs a quick kiss from mom, but then just keeps going. 

I think he was born with the knowledge of how to make everything a sword. Everything gets pointed like a sword. 

He wants to grow up so bad. Just to play with big sis, and ride a real bike. Long torso and short limbs does not help him reach the pedals, sadly. 

He thinks he is so funny, and is so happy most of the the time. Super ticklish, and has the most infectious laugh. The biggest open mouth grin, and bright eyes that go squinty when he smiles.

Such his father's child. Knows how to do puppy eyes better than his father even.

Boy do I love him. Crazy, silly, happy bubba. 

Midway getaway

Spent the afternoon on labor day up in midway with the fam. 
Joe was working; couldn't pass up working a triple on holiday pay. He really does work so hard for our family.
It was THE MOST glorious day. Sunny, warm but not uncomfortable, and slightly breezy. 
We went for rides in el-jeepo with the top off, and laid out on blankets in the grass. Bike rides, and plasma car, and running after those crazies. 

So fun. 



These babies. These little loves of mine. 
Oh, how happy they make me.
How crazy they are. 
Munchkins, stay little? 
Stay my chubby cherubs.
Sweet, sticky kisses, and big bear hugs. 
Snuggles, kisses for a boo boo.
I can't get enough. 
Tucking in for bed. Bubbles for the bath.
Extra blankets, extra juice, extra loves, always room for more. 
Kidelts, stay mine. Because I love you beyond the moon and back.